Life is funny sometimes. Here I sit once again in my old room with nothing but the sound of an occasional car passing by outside and a light breeze coming through the open window. I look around and see old books, clothes, and blankets strewn across the floor, and I remain planted in my computer chair as I glance over my last blog entry, which was posted three months ago. The world seemed significantly different then. A few months ago, I was waiting for something. I was overwhelmed with all the negative aspects of last year's turbulent experiences, and I wanted to return home to find exactly what I had been missing for so long. Without realizing it until now, I instantly stepped out of college life and into a new and exciting world. Having had the time to truly reflect on everything I've been through lately, I can honestly say that this has been the summer I was looking for, and so much more.

I have been blessed with the most caring, understanding, hard-working, fun-loving friends anyone could ever have the pleasure of knowing. When working in the theatre literally every day of the summer, you can't help but create an inexplicably strong connection with your fellow actors. You become familiar with their mannerisms, you laugh at their stories, you comfort them when they feel low (as they comfort you), and you feed off of each other's energy. In short, you create something with them. You become aware of an ambiguous force that somehow holds everyone together no matter what.

Our little acting troupe did three shows this summer; we began by brainstorming our options, and the journey soon continued with read-throughs, exhausting rehearsals, set building/designing, advertising, and ticket sales. We plowed through four weeks of performances, and yet in the midst of it all, we were able to enjoy each other's company outside of the theatre. If we weren't stuffing our faces after a show, we would be camping or whitewater rafting or swimming in the lake at midnight or having a group nap. Whatever it was, we were certainly creating something amazing. My hopes have been fulfilled more than I could have ever anticipated, for I've learned so much about myself because of these wonderful people. I came home and experienced exactly what I needed: liberation, entertainment, laughter, connection, creative inspiration, and catharsis. It has been so long since I've had a single regret about my life; I've spent so much time doing what I love to do that I have no reason to stop and think about the bad stuff. My mind hasn't been this calm in long time, and I finally feel like my emotions are in the right place. I've grown up so much, and yet the little kid inside of me has had a hell of a ride with these people.

All good things must slow up, however. I haven't seen the last of the theatre world by any means, but yes, it is time to face my junior year of college. Today marked the final performance of our inaugural season at the theatre, and it brought about a bittersweetness that was inevitable and expected by all. Following the show (which went brilliantly, by the way), we cleared the stage that had become our second home. Everything we had unpacked six weeks before had suddenly gone back into storage, and after a while, we were left with an empty stage. Not quite knowing what to do next, we all just sat there. We formed a circle on the black stage and looked around at one another, as if it was time to set up a new show. But of course, we were fully aware that this was the end (for a while), and the tears began to flow. I think within about two minutes of our conversing, sobbing, and hugging, we all became aware of how lucky we have been. We all grew to love one another in a very poignant and indescribable way this summer, and the goodbyes were difficult and strange.

But as I drove home from the theatre this afternoon, I thought about things. For the first time in a while, I took the time to absorb everything I've been through these past few months. Low and behold, I was happy more than anything. Though it was sad to see our first season come to a close, I knew that I was proud and overjoyed to have been part of such a dedicated, exhilarating group of human beings. People often think that theatre is appealing because it presents everything in a hyper-realistic way. If you go to a musical, you suspend your interpretation of the real world and accept the moment when the actors randomly break into song. When you watch a comedy, you don't question the fact that everyone on stage is firing witty remarks to one another at an impressive rate. It's very true: seeing a show pulls the audience out of real life for a while.

However, as I sat on the stage today in those last moments, I understood how much I've learned about reality simply by being a part of the technical and artistic operations of this theatre company. Sometimes we work so diligently for an end product, and whether we're being watched by 150 people or two people, a great deal of gratification can come from the mere act of fulfilling a creative vision. When you can't find an ounce of energy within yourself, you can accept it from the many generous people around you, if you choose to. When the colors of your environment aren't enough to inspire you, you can always count on surprises from people on both sides of the theatre. And there are times when you find yourself in the middle of an empty stage, awaiting the next step, asking the question, "Alright, when does it get good again?" What you don't always remember is that you're never alone on that empty stage. What makes the darkness bearable is the fact that you're surrounded by others who are asking the same questions.

So I shall head back to school in a few weeks. This time around, I can be assured that everything is going to be okay. I have been uplifted this summer. I have a better understanding of what it means to be a friend and how happiness can be found in the most secret places if you look for it. I've forgotten what it is like to worry about something going wrong. Instead, I'm ready to live my life without overanalyzing it. I feel I have made the most of my time at the theatre this summer, and now I need to give that love to others. I now know that there is so much good in my life.

To Lynn, Leah, Meghan, Danielle, Kristina, Keith, Jennifer, Nate, Josh, Jamie, Ryan, and Evan: Thank you for bringing me back to life. I love you guys.

Peace.
-ajs