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***Please critique- this is just a draft (in other words, far from perfect).***
Love hides in bonfires When people meet Once love rests in the lungs Whether or not the soul Love lingers, knowing it is drenched And then one day, How wondrous -ajs |
| ChristinaL December 31, 2008 09:15 PM PST I love this! | ||
| pendoodles October 1, 2007 06:04 PM PDT i like it as it is :) | ||
| Friday March 1, 2007 12:31 AM PST Although you say it's far from perfect it's very eloquent. Sometimes, when we try to polish something it mars the natural beauty -- interrupts the flow. I like it as it is. | ||
| Rachel Clement January 17, 2007 06:21 PM PST Hi Adam -- I know we don't know each other all that well, but I (yeah I'm embarrassed, stalker that I am, but I thought I should write this anyway) just think your writing is absolutely gorgeous and inspiring. I just read one of your poems and it helped clear my head of a temporary depression, and anyway... I just think you're amazing. Keep up the good writing. I can't see how you wouldn't succeed, I love what you write. ~Rachel, stalker extreme | ||
| Njord January 12, 2007 05:37 PM PST I agree; kids don't hide in bonfires waiting to be chased. How about sparks or maybe marshmallows? :) | ||
| name January 12, 2007 12:30 PM PST I'd rewrite "Love hides in bonfires like a playful child waiting to be chased by surprise." You need the comparison to work. This one doesn't. | ||
| mych January 12, 2007 07:11 AM PST nice. really nice. the reality is - love resides in the silence of the heart, not just merely in jubilation, nor at first sight. love is where it is waiting to be shared. | ||
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